Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Auguste Garufi

We drove 45 minutes deep into Brooklyn to seek out his favorite mom and pop bakery. I can't recall if we ate the bread.


I would freeze on the back of his vespa. We always made jokes about me driving but we both knew I was incapable.

One day the vespa and Auguste got into an accident. I felt heartbroken.


He remains the same, we chat once in awhile but distance lessens everything.


I would come over and make jokes, the jokes lasted for hours, I would take the wrong measurements or use the wrong paint. His patience was never ending.




Sunday, November 30, 2008

Sometimes the world is pleasant.

An email I received several weeks ago from a former stranger:

i know it must be strange just hearing it randomly. but i really do mean it. if i were to build a perfect woman, it would be you head to toe including personality (from what i gathered from your info). haha, i told my fiance, and he got jealous.

i'm originally from poland (i was born in poznan which isn't too far from the german border), and i go back occasionally to visit family. i would love to shoot with you sometime in the future. if i make any plans to head to europe in the next coming months, i'd really like to plan something with you. until then, i wish you the best of everything in all you do.


Tonight I wrote her back:

Dear Hanna;

It's taking me a bit to respond. A message like your's deserves thought which requires time. I wanted to write you when I had a moment to myself.

I am sitting in an empty kitchen in Wayne PA. I am all alone and sipping lukewarm tea. I'm happy I have moments like this to reflect.

Your email was so generous and I want you to know how much I appreciate you looking further than the obvious. People see what they want and it's never the truth. It's hard to communicate through images, I am trying and I am so happy when I meet others who are making the same attempt.

With love and thought,

The world isn't always about to blow up.


It's 10:15 on a Sunday night in Wayne Pennsylvania. A close friend of mine recently turned 50. We bought fruit, wood, wine and soup. We had an satisfying meal on the water in Philadelphia. We watched "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly." He was surprised I didn't cry. We ate popcorn and drank cinnamon spiced tea. He made a fire and I pet the pure breed golden dog. He's playing guitar, he misses notes but stays in time. There's 4 empty bedrooms here on a daily basis.


Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
When in the morning light I wake,
Teach me the path of love to take.

(The moments) I watch you from morning to the early hours of the next, they're the ones I'm imagining.

Sun rises; sometimes we get to see it come and go.

The memories before I met you have turned into burnt ash. I can't find them.

I imagine you laughing, I see you walking from behind, I prefer when you walk in front of me.

I want to be in Berlin. I want to be in Zurich, I am looking forward to coming home.

I follow your sleeping patterns from across the ocean, you still medicate my ill sleep patterns from afar.

I can't place the individuals in my life. There are none, groups of people, many. They come and go. A new house a new hostel a new hotel room every night. I enjoy our mornings, our collections, conversations, thoughts. You're no longer an idea or a placement in my life. I require nothing but you.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm 20 years old.

And I finally made a myspace.

Look we can be "friendly":


I guess I'm your inspiration to vomit.

Yesterday I was sent an email from a close friend from LA. She sent me a link to a youtube video about "thinsporation" which means "inspiration to be thin" which means "reasons to begin, continue or increase being anorexic". The video was a bunch of black and white pictures of thin models with pouty faces and bones sticking out everywhere with a sappy boy/girl harmony playing in the background.

Among the pictures of thin models was......... me!

What an honor!

This has been a topic of discussion in my life for quite some time, specially since I began being photographed. I brought up the topic in another blog of mine:

"Sadly when joining today I received numerous comments about my weight and one very shaky email asking me not to promote anorexia on this site. I wanted to share my thoughts with you about this:

What if I were? Would angry emails help cure the disease? Or are your intentions somewhere else, to deepen the problem. Please put thought into your words, don't allow the internet to be a vessel for your anger. Be cautious, please.

Luckily I'm not. I have always been very thin, as a former vegan I was 10 lbs lighter than I am currently. I am pescatarian, I have never driven a car and I walk miles each day. I drink numerous cups of green tea throughout the day and eat a diet of wholefoods. I am healthy. I have prominent bone structure. I am thin and I enjoy communicating with the flesh I have. Please don't mistake the above with a disease."

I'm still surprised people associate my body type with that disease, or any disease actually. I just want to repeat that no, I am not sick and have never been anorexic. I have breasts and curves and hair and healthy skin and all of the signs of good health!

However if you are suffering from the disorder please help yourself by going here: http://www.anorexiahelp.net/

Also please note the amount of manipulation that goes into the images appearing in fashion magazines. Many models aren't healthy due to the stress of maintaining a frail frame. As a result of being malnourished some suffer from depression, hair loss and worst of all a short life spam.

On that note, eat well.



PS. I have large ribs which is most likely why I was used for "thinspiration".

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

"Only the most deluded of us could doubt the necessity of this war. "- John McCain

"I don't oppose all wars. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war."- Barack Obama

Today was one of the brightest days in our history. So many of us worked so hard in the campaign, donating time and money. Some of my friends prayed while other hoped, I just doubted the entire time. I spoke to several young republicans working on the Obama campaign while in NYC, we all seemed sure he would lose.

We've been proven wrong. Today is one of the most joyous days of my life. I watched bbc this morning as President Obama gave his acceptance speech with my eyes full of tears.


Monday, November 3, 2008

My Love for America and Catholicism.

I am soon heading to the United States (13 days from today).

To New York City, my former home containing many of my favorite buildings and a sense of history that separates itself so distantly from the rest of the country. I fear I may never live there again, tomorrow's election makes that decision for me.

I believe in tradition and American values, and I'm seeing my birthplace crumble. It's devastating and easy to detect. I am a conservative, a party that no longer exists in the United States. I'm no where, existing between the religious right and the liberal left.

I lack belief but support the church. On my trip back to NYC I will be spending as much time as possible at St. John's Divine, the mother church of the Episcopal Diocese of New York. St John's contains one of the largest pipe organs in Northern America. I truly believe any atheist is capable of entering that building and weeping. The Catholic church holds some of the most beautiful traditions I've ever experienced. Ceremonies unlike any other branch of the Christian religion. I believe in the church but not the god.

If Obama looses it means I have lost all faith in the American people. Once hard working people who created the soil they walked on. I'm shaking my head in hopes I'm proved wrong.


Please vote, especially you Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, North Carolina and Florida.

Don't fuck up America, the world is watching.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

The United States (tavel dates, now booking)


Atlanta: November 17th-22nd


New York City: 23rd-27th

San Francisco, November 28th and 29th


Friday, October 31, 2008

I was there and I saw you.

Every day:

Everyday we wake up wearing our matching red pajamas. We drink 2 glasses of green tea with 2 teaspoons of honey. We drink a glass of water each with a multi vitamin immersed inside. We eat clementines and yogurt together. We take a one block walk to our local restaurant which we treat as an internet cafe. They never mind because we're Americans that tip well above average. We speak flimsy German and order two more green teas. Today my time in front of my computer has been extended, because I have a full day off from shooting. Time to retouch, edit videos, print comp cards, share a meal with our new and close friend Matt and finally respond to close friends and north American agents.

I use to take for granted the time I was allowed to freely browse articles and download torrents. Looking at my inbox can sometimes feel overwhelming but days like this lessen that feeling.

The above introduction is an indication of what Berlin has done for us. Allowing new words to enter into my life like: routine and domestic. Words I never really wanted around before. Our daily lives have formed greater meaning, smaller moments can now be documented where as before my days were filled with castings, hopelessness and an influx of socializing and networking that began to feel more like work than play.

My days here are longer and require more from me. Less people are involved which makes communicating simpler. Last week Andy Kuchenmeister, myself, Maxine Suter and a hairstylist I believe was named Twiggy (but could be wrong) shot two days on a catalog job together. The days were long at 13 hours each, but they seemed more relaxed. The location was Rent One Studios and the client stayed for what seemed a majority of the time. Typically having the client there makes me uncomfortable but our needs were met and everyone was quite happy. There was nothing hectic or demanding about the job.

This seems to be the way people treat one another here.

Berlin has allowed Jamie and I to act on ideas we've had stored for the past 2 and a half years. We're finally able to create together. We're brewing up something really beautiful and soon I'll share.

We have a new friend here in the exchange program from Berkeley. Matt is going to be a part of one of our projects that I will introduce to you soon. A few nights ago we went to a gallery/showing turned party where Matt's artwork was shown, below are the shaky no-camera-flash results.



There were many people there and it was the kind of place you find in Philadelphia (which really means it just had a fantastic used basement). There was a performance by Wooden Veil and Matt's video was available for watching and listening to through headphones. It was surprising to me how few people watched, read or cared. People did in fact drink, flirt, speak English and smoke. Is sharing that you did something better than actually doing it?

I enjoy thinking about images and the above feels similar to recent conversations I've had about pictures . I see people consumed with "what the result will be",Paying no attention to how they've gotten there, who's involved, or what they really want. "I want a picture that looks like X" seems to be the only thought that goes into making anything. "I want to sound like XYorZ" (I couldn't say X there, though many people probably do want to sound like them). "

Clearly this doesn't apply to everything or everyone, but it's an attitude that's far too common and spreading like an uncontrollable disease.

Former homes, though lovely, don't compare to the present:



Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Mobile Theatre.

In a large abandoned parking lot in the middle of somewhere Berlin, you'll find a tent filled with wires, laptops, projectors and handmade things that spin sound in a way that makes your ears hungry.


We filled out pockets with gummibärs and took what a very delightful german boy called "little pictures". Here are some little pictures:


It feels good to be in Berlin.



Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Good evening,

I am writing you from Berlin Germany, where is it 4:05am and I have been up only 8 hours. Our sleeping schedule is a bit of a mess as it my health. None the less we have accomplished our goals for the week which included setting up meetings, retrieving mobile numbers and finding a flat. In 4 days I leave for Belgium and the day after I return I meet with Ingo from Iconic management. I suspect we will be calling Germany home for the near and possibly far future. The only downfall is the temperature which has exhausted my health already. I have very few layers to my body and a weak immune system, every winter this shows itself.

I left NYC a month ago only to return for fashion week. Jamie placed himself back in his home town of Guelph for this time period to handle his passport/visa problems. In the meantime I was in Pittsburgh, San Francisco, LA, Miami and back to NYC to walk in some shows.

I have a new fascination with Pittsburgh. This was my first time visiting the city as I never heard of it being particularly anything other than a suburb of Philly (which it's not, it's hours from). It seems whenever there's two cities in one state one receives the gold metal and the other silver. This seems to be the case with Pittsburgh. To my surprise there is a thriving noise scene, excellent dining and a rare type of photographer I collaborated with named Ethan.

Ethan buys ancient looking homes in the ghetto of Pittsburgh PA. He leaves them pretty much as is and then clutters them with old film cameras and claw foot tubs. We were a good match.

My next stop was the west coast.

There is a photographer in San Francisco named Gregory who in the internet world goes by "lot 8". I have been a viewer of his work for quite some time. We teamed up and drove the the most west point in the country called Point Reyes. Point Reyes is a gem for campers, bird watchers and perverts with a fascination for small towns people and old fashioned bars.

We snuck around the town for hours, hung out with bikers, went to an oyster farm, drank and documented the entire day. Imagine looking at a scrapbook from your teenage years, you and your then girlfriend ran away to a near by town for a time of playful trouble and lustful explorations, that's what we created.

I ended up staying with Sarah Ellis who I was formally introduced to earlier in the summer while on a short stay in San Francisco. We talked about girly things, took photos, attempted to go shopping and complained about the lack of decent stores in San Francisco. Every time I attempt to go shopping in a normal downtown situation I wind up just drinking too much coffee and texting complaints on my iphone to whomever will listen. Either I've never enjoyed shopping formally or fashion is dead. Every store just tries to sell culture, or replicates of something I saw a long long time ago that looked awful then and even worse now. It's a hard to imagine how I stayed clothed sometimes.

I spent a day in the lower part of the state shooting on the beaches of Malibu with Brigham Field. He has a fantastic wife named Colette who made everyone comfortable with her conversation and mimosas. Below you can see Danny making me look presentable.
and Brigham

As I lifted off from California heading to the other ocean I felt less than pretty and less than mentally concrete. Rarely is there a time when Jamie and I are forced to be away from one another. I dedicate a lot of time to pictures and sometimes I can't justify why. I spent the next few lonely nights in a fancy suit doing things I shouldn't have done and was without the one I love. Then Hurricane Gustav came and I felt sound again.
The above picture was the last photo I took with my camera. Moments after I took this the hurricane struck. Everyone fled. I cuddled with my camera on the wet ground.

I left Miami unsure of where I stood with myself, sometimes you get the feeling that being alone is somehow freeing. You justify being addicted to work or drugs or whatever it is that keeps you guarded from the people you love. Lines get blurred and you're unsure of what feels good and what looks good.

September 6th I arrived in NYC for fashion week. It was cold and Davis Factor is texting me. I justify not making time to meet up, knowing I'm going to regret not seeing Davis. I drank too much, slept too little and crashed on floors. I walked some shows and looked ridiculous for one night. Below is proof.
Above provided by the Village Voice
Photo by thecobrasnake

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Cause you pluck a guitar. That ain't fucking bizarre

With several sexual harassment lawsuits slapped on them, hiring illegal immigrants and paying them crumbs in the name of "Immigrant rights!" and selling tasteless (organic!) panties through blatant child pornographic advertisements 40 year old Dov Charney owner of American Apparel is living umm well. Kids, you're overpaying for hipness and handing your "hard" earned cash to a crook.

The outcome isn't very rewardable....


Conservative at the age of 20 doesn't lead to a world of rage. Sorry Punkrock, I'm old or something.

Richard Billard and I were to photograph at Tompkins square park this past Sunday. Leftover Crack, Witch Hunt and some other bands I may have known 5 years ago were performing. As the shoot approached questions about my safety arose. I am naturally awkward, unable to censor myself and am thoroughly repulsed by self abuse and loud noises. I was unable to make both meetings with the stylist prior to the shoot. Things seemed shaky but my interest in being a subject of Richard's was still alive.

After ditching out on the stylist twice (and being forgiven on both occasions) I ended up getting booked for a catalogue job. No matter how dedicated to producing images you are money is priority.

The possibility of this shoot made me realize there was potential for a story based on reflection of youth and all that goes with it.

Those born in Jersey own a certain amount of pride towards the state, as if they have to justify why their family stays there. Some get tattoos or wear t-shirts, no matter the amount of pride none I know visit (excluding myself, my best friend is an infectious disease doctor in southern/central jersey). It takes a death in the family, but not a birth. Even when in Dublin I ran into someone born in the state. A natural collision happens to people from here. I still go to the shooting range every few weeks.

Both Richard and I were born and raised in Jersey. He went to school with bands I followed in my teens, including members of Leftover Crack. He skipped school with my once favorite front man. He partied, married, unmarried and avoids caffeinated beverages. It's rare to find a photographer so well composed and even more true to the X than myself (I drink green tea). Some of his old friends are still in bands, renamed themselves "Terrycloth" and are still doing what they did 25 years ago. There's something attractive about leaving adolescence where it belongs without being aware of what you've done.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Hotel Chealsea and old lace.

Recovering from a 13 hour day of shooting lookbooks, t-shirt designs and a runway show. Tonight my beautiful friend Satin (you can book her through IQ, subliminal messaging!) and I walked for the lovely Tia Lyn. It's too late to post photos but be sure they're coming soon;) Thank you to all of the girls and to those who weren't let in due to "not having the proper attire" please please don't place the blame on Tia or the Chelsea Hotel. It was strictly the lounges doing and I sincerely apologize.



Sunday, July 27, 2008

Glory Days

During the past week I received several emails from close friends from different parts of the world asking "where are you"?

Hope St.

I have been between LA and NYC for the past 6 months.

5 Months ago we " settled" in a cozy space off of the bedford stop on the L train (in Williamsburg Brooklyn). The Roebling tea room is our living room and both the L and JMZ are in eyesight. Besides the ill fashioned drunks across at Hope Lounge forcing foam into our ears at night, our lives here have been beyond pleasant. We will remain in NYC until September 1st.

:With love, from Hope; my photography and more:

Jamie. Photographed by me.

Room 26: Ken Chino Hope st. resident, Makeup by the talented Lanbeauty. Photographed by me.

Sade The Ballerina; Hope st. resident. Photographed by me.


Our house. From google.


Roebling tea room. from roeblingtearoom.com



bld's visits me at Hope st.: