Sunday, November 30, 2008

Sometimes the world is pleasant.

An email I received several weeks ago from a former stranger:

i know it must be strange just hearing it randomly. but i really do mean it. if i were to build a perfect woman, it would be you head to toe including personality (from what i gathered from your info). haha, i told my fiance, and he got jealous.

i'm originally from poland (i was born in poznan which isn't too far from the german border), and i go back occasionally to visit family. i would love to shoot with you sometime in the future. if i make any plans to head to europe in the next coming months, i'd really like to plan something with you. until then, i wish you the best of everything in all you do.


Tonight I wrote her back:

Dear Hanna;

It's taking me a bit to respond. A message like your's deserves thought which requires time. I wanted to write you when I had a moment to myself.

I am sitting in an empty kitchen in Wayne PA. I am all alone and sipping lukewarm tea. I'm happy I have moments like this to reflect.

Your email was so generous and I want you to know how much I appreciate you looking further than the obvious. People see what they want and it's never the truth. It's hard to communicate through images, I am trying and I am so happy when I meet others who are making the same attempt.

With love and thought,

The world isn't always about to blow up.


It's 10:15 on a Sunday night in Wayne Pennsylvania. A close friend of mine recently turned 50. We bought fruit, wood, wine and soup. We had an satisfying meal on the water in Philadelphia. We watched "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly." He was surprised I didn't cry. We ate popcorn and drank cinnamon spiced tea. He made a fire and I pet the pure breed golden dog. He's playing guitar, he misses notes but stays in time. There's 4 empty bedrooms here on a daily basis.


Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
When in the morning light I wake,
Teach me the path of love to take.

(The moments) I watch you from morning to the early hours of the next, they're the ones I'm imagining.

Sun rises; sometimes we get to see it come and go.

The memories before I met you have turned into burnt ash. I can't find them.

I imagine you laughing, I see you walking from behind, I prefer when you walk in front of me.

I want to be in Berlin. I want to be in Zurich, I am looking forward to coming home.

I follow your sleeping patterns from across the ocean, you still medicate my ill sleep patterns from afar.

I can't place the individuals in my life. There are none, groups of people, many. They come and go. A new house a new hostel a new hotel room every night. I enjoy our mornings, our collections, conversations, thoughts. You're no longer an idea or a placement in my life. I require nothing but you.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm 20 years old.

And I finally made a myspace.

Look we can be "friendly":

I guess I'm your inspiration to vomit.

Yesterday I was sent an email from a close friend from LA. She sent me a link to a youtube video about "thinsporation" which means "inspiration to be thin" which means "reasons to begin, continue or increase being anorexic". The video was a bunch of black and white pictures of thin models with pouty faces and bones sticking out everywhere with a sappy boy/girl harmony playing in the background.

Among the pictures of thin models was......... me!

What an honor!

This has been a topic of discussion in my life for quite some time, specially since I began being photographed. I brought up the topic in another blog of mine:

"Sadly when joining today I received numerous comments about my weight and one very shaky email asking me not to promote anorexia on this site. I wanted to share my thoughts with you about this:

What if I were? Would angry emails help cure the disease? Or are your intentions somewhere else, to deepen the problem. Please put thought into your words, don't allow the internet to be a vessel for your anger. Be cautious, please.

Luckily I'm not. I have always been very thin, as a former vegan I was 10 lbs lighter than I am currently. I am pescatarian, I have never driven a car and I walk miles each day. I drink numerous cups of green tea throughout the day and eat a diet of wholefoods. I am healthy. I have prominent bone structure. I am thin and I enjoy communicating with the flesh I have. Please don't mistake the above with a disease."

I'm still surprised people associate my body type with that disease, or any disease actually. I just want to repeat that no, I am not sick and have never been anorexic. I have breasts and curves and hair and healthy skin and all of the signs of good health!

However if you are suffering from the disorder please help yourself by going here:

Also please note the amount of manipulation that goes into the images appearing in fashion magazines. Many models aren't healthy due to the stress of maintaining a frail frame. As a result of being malnourished some suffer from depression, hair loss and worst of all a short life spam.

On that note, eat well.



PS. I have large ribs which is most likely why I was used for "thinspiration".

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

"Only the most deluded of us could doubt the necessity of this war. "- John McCain

"I don't oppose all wars. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war."- Barack Obama

Today was one of the brightest days in our history. So many of us worked so hard in the campaign, donating time and money. Some of my friends prayed while other hoped, I just doubted the entire time. I spoke to several young republicans working on the Obama campaign while in NYC, we all seemed sure he would lose.

We've been proven wrong. Today is one of the most joyous days of my life. I watched bbc this morning as President Obama gave his acceptance speech with my eyes full of tears.


Monday, November 3, 2008

My Love for America and Catholicism.

I am soon heading to the United States (13 days from today).

To New York City, my former home containing many of my favorite buildings and a sense of history that separates itself so distantly from the rest of the country. I fear I may never live there again, tomorrow's election makes that decision for me.

I believe in tradition and American values, and I'm seeing my birthplace crumble. It's devastating and easy to detect. I am a conservative, a party that no longer exists in the United States. I'm no where, existing between the religious right and the liberal left.

I lack belief but support the church. On my trip back to NYC I will be spending as much time as possible at St. John's Divine, the mother church of the Episcopal Diocese of New York. St John's contains one of the largest pipe organs in Northern America. I truly believe any atheist is capable of entering that building and weeping. The Catholic church holds some of the most beautiful traditions I've ever experienced. Ceremonies unlike any other branch of the Christian religion. I believe in the church but not the god.

If Obama looses it means I have lost all faith in the American people. Once hard working people who created the soil they walked on. I'm shaking my head in hopes I'm proved wrong.

Please vote, especially you Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, North Carolina and Florida.

Don't fuck up America, the world is watching.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

The United States (tavel dates, now booking)


Atlanta: November 17th-22nd


New York City: 23rd-27th

San Francisco, November 28th and 29th